Do you ever have one of those days that starts out bad and just continues to get worse and worse until by the end of it you don't know which way is up? Yeah. Today was that kind of day. There were many tears, frustrations and tantrums. Essentially it boiled down to financial woes of unemployment, career fears as an actress/filmmaker who can't seem to get out of the "struggling" category, and life goals that seem about a million miles away at the moment. I felt like I was working my ass off for things and getting absolutely nowhere. The economy is surely not helping but it can't just be the economy because well, I've kind of been in this position off and on my entire teenage and adult life. Quite frankly I think today I reached the limit of patience when it comes to feeling totally unappreciated for all of my efforts in life. But, I don't care to dwell on that anymore today. So, onward!
There was ONE bright spot. My final dress rehearsal. I love performing for a whole variety of reasons but the main one that stands out right now it that, especially when on stage, you can disappear into a character and get instant gratification from the audience when you do a good job. As an insecure actress it is nice to hear people laughing when they are supposed to laugh and it is nice to have them tell you that you did well after the show. In short, it is nice to be appreciated for your efforts. I put on the painful killer heels that have become Sheila's trademark and and when I get on stage people laugh and I feel like I accomplished something and I made people laugh a bit and that's nice.
The photo for today is after the rehearsal in my dressing room space. It was peaceful and quiet and nobody else was around and it was the only time this whole wretched day that I felt like I could just relax and breathe. As soon as I left the theater it was right back into the fray.
Don't worry, as I type this on Friday, things are quite a bit better. :)
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